Some things just are....

When a firefighter leaves the "job" and retires to a better life,
many are jealous some are pleased and yet others,
who may have already retired, wonder.

We wonder if he knows what they are leaving
behind, because we already know.

We know, for example, that after a lifetime of camaraderie that few experience
it will remain as a longing for those past times.

We know in a firefighters life there is a fellowship which lasts long
after the uniforms are hung up in the back of the closet. We know even if he throws them away, they will be on him with every step and breath that remains in his life.

We also know how the very bearing of the man speaks of what he was and in his heart still is. These are the burdens of the job.

You will see what others do not see or choose to ignore and always will look at the rest of the fire service world with a respect for what they do; only grown in a lifetime of knowing. Never think for one moment you are escaping from that life.

You are only escaping the "job" and merely being allowed to leave "active" duty .
So what I wish for you is that whenever you ease into retirement, in your heart you never forget for one moment that
"Blessed are the firefighters for they shall be called children of God,"
and you are still a member of the greatest fraternity the world has ever known.

Civilian Friends vs. Firefighter friends:

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Get upset if you're too busy to talk to them for a week.
FIREFIGHTER FRIENDS: Are glad to see you after years, and will happily carry on the same conversation you were having the last time you met.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
FIREFIGHTER FRIENDS: Have cried with you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
FIREFIGHTER FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
FIREFIGHTER FRIENDS Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
FIREFIGHTER FRIENDS: Will kick the crowds' ass that left you behind.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Are for a while.
FIREFIGHTER FRIENDS: Are for life.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Have shared a few experiences...
FIREFIGHTER FRIENDS: Have shared a lifetime of experiences no citizen could ever dream of..

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough. FIREFIGHTER FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "You better drink the rest of that before you spill it!! Then carry you home safely and put you to bed...

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will talk crap to the person who talks crap about you.
FIREFIGHTER FRIENDS: Will knock them the hell out for using your name in vain.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
FIREFIGHTER FRIENDS: Will forward this.

In the spirit of anonymity

I started this blog in order to complain about my life in relative anonymity.

In other words, I didn't want anyone I know what a whiner I am.

Essentially, my life is fabulous. I only blog when I wear out my husband's and friend's ears with my drama. So, I feel a bit embarassed when I comment on my friends' blogs and they figure out that the unkept mom of 3 is me.

Yes, I do have a tendency to judge and give you fabulous girls the "get over yourselves" pep talk, so I know you are all relishing the fact that you've discovered that I am more of a whiner than the rest of you.

But have mercy.

My only vice are my martinis. I'm not on anti-depressants....yet. I don't beat my kids....that often and I am a very loyal friend....to most of you.

Thanks for sharing your time and jibes. It's been fun.

Mommyblogs

are my saving grace.....I think I'd be going batshit crazy by now had I not found the time to read a few the mommyblogs these last couple of days. My 3 fabulous kids are engaging in age appropriate behaviors. The 6 -1/2 year old is starting to feel confident about her knowledge and finds it necessary to correct me in all things....my 5 year old is feeling like he needs to reconnect with me at the end of the day and takes at least 3 hours to settle in for bedtime.....my nearly 3 year old is engaging in the middle of the night visits and pee breaks, thus reducing my cell rebuilding to 4 hours instead of the required 7-1/2 hours that I sooooo desparately need.

And, of course, my loving husband is taking this opportunity to express his dismay with my lack of budgeting skills.

It's nice to know that I am not alone and that this too shall pass.....

The next wave....

I don't know how I ended up on some of these manly blogs, but I have to tell you- I am afraid.

I won't put their sites on my blog. I could not subject anyone that may read this to their sensibilities.

Having spent a few good years with a few good men in the Marine Corps and a lot of years with the fire department, I am not unfamiliar with the frat boy mentality. I always believed, affectionately, that underneath all the bluster lies a decent human being.

The blogs that I've been reading tout the counter to the metrosexual of the 90's and frankly, WTF? Did getting in touch with their feminine side, so freak these boys out that there is a need to lash out with all this gratuitous misogyny? Did being PC really bring out all this nastiness?

I am all for letting boys be boys, but why does it mean they have to be so, well, mean? When did being tough become synonymous with being an asshole?

This supposed fratire makes me sad for my sons.

Misery loves company

I've been reading the mommy blogs and chick literature. At first, they were really satisfying distractions. I loved reading about the lives and loves of other people and finding solace in the fact that most moms are feeling the same anxieties about parenting that I was.

Well, it's not enough. It just doesn't do the trick anymore. It doesn't matter that my friends and total strangers are having the same issues with their young toddlers. It just downright sucks that I don't have the patience the deal with the daily grind or lack the wherewithal to consider myself blessed. I feel cursed that my children love me so much that they have this constant need to engage me. "Mommy play with me. Mommy I need more milk, mommy help me get dressed, mommy I want a snack, mommy I want to watch a movie, mommy I want to go to the park." Or better yet, "where are you going mommy? I want to come with you!! And, seriously, it doesn't matter that it's normal and that every mom is experiencing the same things in varying degrees.

You'd think I'd be grateful that first of all, I have 3 healthy, beautiful kids, and that second, they love and need me. What's wrong with me? I'm exhausted from the constand demand on my time. How lame is that? Like, I've got so many better things I could be doing. You know, sorting the laundry or cleaning up the garage. Geez....

It's Christmas time.....now be happy, d**mit!

I had had enough! The kids were behaving spoiled, ungrateful children, my mother-in-law was pouting like a 4 year old and I was exhausted from all the preparations! I am so going to cancel next Christmas.

Then Christmas morning arrives....My dear hubby is still at work at the firehouse, so I have to somehow keep the kids from opening the presents that Santa brought until he gets home.

The boys come in my room first. They don't seem to realize that Santa has come. I hear my daughter's footsteps lead to the living room. There is a pause. I hear her running down the hallway. She bursts in the room telling her sweet story of discovery. I wish I had a camera.

What brings me to tears is my oldest son's reaction to the stocking stash. We had decided that the kids could empty their stockings in the hopes that it will keep them busy until their dad comes home. So, I'm busy in the living room with something and I sent the older kids to get their stockings. My daughter starts calling out her loot and squealing with her excitement at each discovery. My oldest son is strangely silent. I glance into the dining room and see him studying something he's taken from his lot. Turning it this way and that....then he comes running to me with a big smile of excitement and exclaims, "look, Santa gave me underwear!" (He had grabbed my husband's by mistake. And, yes, that's what I put in their dad's stocking)

My daughter gave the appropriate oohing noises with a slightly confused look on her face.

In that moment, I felt the Christmas joy. My son is not some greedy, ungrateful, spoiled child. My daughter is not so self-absorbed or mean spirited. I love my children.

Still can't stand the mother-in-law, but that's really ok.

I'm seeing red....

All these sayings, like, "I can feel my blood boiling", or "blowing my stack", are running through my head right now. The one, "having kids keeps you young"....really??

I feel like I've lost years of my life these last couple of days. My oldest son is severely doing a jig on my last available nerve. He's taken to kicking or hitting when he is being "guided" to do the right things or to stay safe. I am ready to drop kick him myself, but seeing as how I've learned to control my impulses, it hasn't happened...yet.

I am not equipped to deal with my 4- 1/2 year old throwing tantrums. I know I should be looking at the underlying cause, but I'm so consumed with not throwing a tantrum myself, that I haven't got an ounce of energy left. My other 2 kids stand by and kind of look lost as they wait for the storm to blow over.

I hate this "phase" and hope it will pass before it really damages our relationship. I love my son, but I can't stand this behavior.