Saturday, November 10, 2007 it or hate it

It's raining out and my kids are getting a little antsy. I have some, (seriously, extreme) difficulty trying to find an indoor activity that they can all enjoy with minimal disputes.

Playdoh is my savior. There is something for each skill and attention span level and I get some relative peace for anywhere from 20 to 45 minutes. There is nothing like it. They are cheerfully sharing the tools and different colors. The older children are showing the younger child how things work. I get all weepy to see them so harmoniously playing.

I thank the makers of such a fun and versatile activity. My daughter is expressing her inner jewel maker and my older son is creating some pretty interesting monsters. My little guy is even fine tuning those fine motor skills by making some teeth for his animal. What more can you ask for?

Then, it's clean up time. I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a neat freak. However, it offends my sense of order to have to deal with separating the colors. I can't seem to explain to my offspring that when they have completed their project they should pull apart the different colors instead of mashing it all together.

My sweet daughter asks, "Can you open this color for me?" I briefly pause and glance at the 6 other colors already blending themselves on the table. I debate whether to tell her she has enough colors or just surrender to it, since there's no way in hell I'll be able to minimize my aggravation with one less color to separate.....I really love it when they ask me why the colors are all mixed up and complain they can't use it this way. Try as I might, they haven't made the connection.

I can't wait until they are able to clean this up themselves.......

Thursday, November 8, 2007

What was my point?

Oh yeah, blogs are a bit strange. I view them as a public journal. My thoughts that I want to share with strangers. Well, I panic when I know someone is reading my blog. Like they're reading my diary. Silly, I know.

Moving on. The topic of 'failures' is what got me on this particular tangent and I got distracted.

So, where was I? I recited the laundry list of ways that I lost my patience with our kids to my husband this evening during our evening phone call. I know he's at work and can't really process any of my angst, so it's more venting then anything else. He says to me "you're not a bad mom". How does he do that? How does he know what I need to hear?

I know I am not a bad mom, I just wish I was a great one.

My main failure these days is in my relationship with women. Ever since becoming a mom, I've had this need to connect with more women. I am not doing so well. I have a hard time finding women that I can relate to or the chemistry is just wrong. I don't know what the hell it is.

That's not the real failure. I have a really great friend. She's been my rock. I love her like the sister I wish I had. When I'm feeling lost or afraid, I want to talk to her. I know she'll be there for me. I realized today that I don't offer her the same solace. She's going through some tough times. I'm not who she leans on. I wish I was the kind of friend to her that she is to me. I know that's not realistic considering she's a freaking amazing human being. I like setting my sights high. She trusts me with her secrets, but I wish I could be the kind of person she would seek out if she needed a friend.

So, I realize that I am not this person for anyone. What does that say about me?

I worry about this when I think about my kids. Will they come to me when they need someone to talk to? How do I become this kind of person?


I started this blog during my drug induced haze as I was recovering from knee surgery. I hadn't any intention of seriously, putting it out in the world, simply because I didn't want to bore anyone to death.

Now I am a member of Work It, Mom and keep posting my blog address like I'm so proud of what I've had to say. Great, so what's the big deal you ask? Being a little insecure as to my ability to put words together in order to make my interesting life, sound well....interesting, I'm a little worried about coming across as a complete idiot.

So. Now. What?

What's the problem now? I recently, as in 5 minutes ago, invited a writer whose works I really enjoyed, to my network. She wrote me back saying that she's going to read my blog...!!!!!!! NO!

So, as I'm struggling to not burn my dinner as I think of something interesting to say....all I have is this. Sorry, I'm so lame. that I've got that out of the way. I've got to run....the chicken's burning.